A reflection on the lectionary readings for the sixteenth Sunday after Pentecost.
How many times have you needed to forgive someone or yourself already today? In the past week? month? year? Do you have folks in your life who even after you’ve forgiven them keep doing the same hurtful or frustrating things? Does Jesus telling us to forgive 77 times (or seven times seventy times depending on your translation) cause you angst? Welcome to being human living with other humans. But don’t get caught up in the literal numbers. Jesus isn’t teaching us how to keep score.
Seventy seven times or seven times seventy times as some translations put it doesn’t mean literally we forgive a set number of times before we no longer have to anymore. It is a metaphor for unlimited. When another person causes us frustration or harm, whether intentionally or by accident, we are to forgive them. Full Stop.
When Jesus says to forgive others seventy seven times, he is teaching us how to not hold onto to what others do wrong. Remember last week’s reading when Jesus says whatever we bind on earth and lose on earth are the same in heaven? Forgiveness is what enables us to not bind ourselves up in anger or resentment or bitterness here and now so that we can live on earth-as-in-heaven.
Jesus knows that there are people who want to intentionally cause others harm and that there are people who just never seem to grasp how their behaviour and actions impact others, those who expect everyone else to accommodate them and just seem oblivious to the frustration and harm they cause. And Jesus also knows there are many, many people who occasionally cause frustration or harm without realising it and as soon as they discover it are so very sorry and want to make things right.
Jesus shows us in flesh and blood how we are to always allow for the possibility that those who do cause harm whether intentionally or because of their own self-centredness will have their hearts reshaped by God’s Love.
The story that Jesus tells to illustrate this shows us how even when we’ve received forgiveness from others, it doesn’t always mean that we are willing to forgive. So let’s talk about what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. Forgiveness isn’t a free pass to do whatever we want because Jesus commands forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean we ignore bad behaviour. It isn’t a way to whitewash harm or abuse.
Forgiveness is part of the accountability process that we talked about last week. When someone causes us harm (sins against us), we are to go to them about it privately at first and if they refuse to be accountable for their behaviour or actions, we take someone trusted with us and try again. If the one who caused harm still doesn’t choose to see the harm they’ve done, we then take a more public council, not to condemn the person but to accurately describe what was done as a way for others to learn appropriate behavioural boundaries. This taking it to the church isn’t like a court of law but a conversation about what is acceptable and what isn’t when we choose to do life together following Jesus into God’s Kingdom-on-earth-as-in-heaven. Our goal isn’t to condemn but to correct, never losing sight of the image of God in which we are all created.
The choice of some to not admit their own faults is just that, their choice. We can’t force them to conform nor are we to throw them out never to return. And neither are we to ignore their behaviour. The consequence of not living with the healthy relational boundaries that we learn from Jesus may be to leave until such time as they choose to correct themselves and live companionably with the others. And we always leave the door open for their return when they can show they are willing to and working to change their behaviour.
Forgiveness frees us from holding grudges so that our anger or hurt does not corrode us from the inside out. If we hold onto our anger for others, we can’t have open hands to receive what is good, from others or from God. When we choose not to forgive we impact our own wellbeing more than the person we are angry at. It is part of living into the prayer Jesus taught us: to forgive others as we’ve been forgiven. It’s living into Jesus command to treat others as we want to be treated. Forgiveness is part of living as God’s beloved people. The torturing that Jesus speaks of when we choose not to forgive is the bitterness and resentment we live with in ourselves.
God’s forgiveness for us is infinite because God’s love is infinite. There is nothing any one of us can do that will cause God to love us any more or any less than God loves. And although God’s capacity for love and forgive is infinite, they are gifts we have to be willing to receive. Like all true gifts, neither God’s forgiveness nor love come with strings attached. But gifts don’t do us any good if we don’t actually receive them. If I give you the best gift you can imagine and you never unwrap it, it isn’t really a gift is it? It’s just something sitting on the table looking pretty in it’s wrapping.
We don’t earn God’s forgiveness, it isn’t conditional but it does, when we truly receive it, change us. It shapes our hearts to be more like God’s heart, increasing our capacity to forgive others as well as ourselves.
When folks come to me and say they’ve done things that God can never forgive them for, I have to tell them, as kindly as possible, that they are wrong. There is nothing God won’t forgive and there is no one God doesn’t love. When folks tell me they’ve prayed for forgiveness and yet don’t feel forgiven, I talk with them about receiving God’s love for them and God’s forgiveness. Sometimes the issue is believing God does truly love us. Sometimes the issue is we haven’t forgiven ourselves. Loving and forgiving go hand in hand. To love as Jesus shows us how to love means we have to see others and ourselves as God’s beloved.
When we come to truly know that God loves us, our proper response is to want to be our best emotionally and spiritually so that we can love others well. When we love others as we love ourselves as Jesus commands us, we want for others what we want for ourselves. An attitude of generous forgiveness, acknowledging when we’ve caused harm, holding ourselves and others accountable, letting go of hurt and doing our best to not bring harm to others are all part of living into who God created and calls us all to be.
Jesus didn’t just pick a random number to illustrate generous forgiveness. Seven, and all of it’s multiples, is about being complete, whole, and fully who God made us to be. The number seven in Jewish numerology is a reference to the eternal covenant binding heaven (God’s realm) with earth. The seventh day of creation is the Sabbath day, the day where we observe the coming of God’s realm (heaven) in it’s fullness. We are most fully the people God created us to be when we live as Jesus shows us how to live relationally with each other.
Keep lovin’ louder than the hate, Y’all!
Mother Nancy's Coffee Thoughts 