A reflection loosely based on the daily readings for May 12, 2026.
Can we talk a bit about forgiveness and reconciliation and yet another situation I know of in which men are telling women how they should feel and act when the women are assaulted or abused by men ….
When Jesus gives us his summary of all of God’s commands he says we are to Love God, our neighbor, and ourselves, and yes, our enemies, too. Love. And the way Jesus shows us in flesh and blood how to Love is to want others to flourish remembering that they too are beloved children of God and made in God’s Image. This is what our worldview is to be. But never does it mean, did Jesus ever say, that we are to ignore harmful behavior of others. To want for others to flourish means not only do we work towards the justice of everyone having their basic needs of food, shelter, and safety met but that we also want for them what we want for ourselves and part of that ‘wanting’ is that we grow more each day into who God is calling us to be.
The past two Sundays, we’ve read from John 14 where Jesus talks about the fruit born of God’s love and our love for God. As our awareness of God’s love for us grows our love for others deepens as well. It’s how love works, the more we have the more we have. As I said in my Sunday reflection, Jesus tells us plainly that we are to love but it is so challenging to live Love. So, back to my initial statement here. How do we love the ones who assault or abuse us? Do forgiveness and reconciliation have to be partners?
Jesus loved those who abused others by naming what they had done. He didn’t turn a blind eye, he didn’t pretend it didn’t happen, he didn’t say “y’all just figure out how to get along.” Jesus called it out and showed us all how to work toward justice. When harm is done, especially when it is a man attempting to dominate a woman, either by physical force or emotional manipulation by treating women as less than men, we cannot excuse it in any way by saying such inane things as men will be men or he was drinking or he just doesn’t know any better. And we cannot expect women to pretend it hasn’t or isn’t happening. Women are not in any way responsible for the behaviors and actions of men. Regardless of what any woman does or wears or drinks or says no man has any right to force himself on or attempt to dominate her, whether it be physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, or intellectually.
But what about forgiveness and reconciliation, you ask? Forgiveness doesn’t mean we forget the harmful behavior occurred. Forgiveness is about how the one who is harmed sees the one who did the harm. To forgive means I say that I know the one who harmed me is a wounded human just as I am so that I don’t harbor anger or fear that then leads me to cause harm to others. Forgiveness is about my own healing and growing so I don’t do to others what’s been done to me. Forgiveness is my choice as the one harmed; it is not demanded by the one who committed the harm nor by those who are made uncomfortable by holding others accountable. Forgiveness doesn’t sweep anything under the rug. Forgiveness, like Jesus, names the harm as a step toward justice.
The only way to move from forgiveness to reconciliation is when the one who caused the harm admits their responsibility for their actions and works toward growth and healing themselves, showing with regular patterns of observable behavior that they are no longer willing to cause harm to others.
To expect someone who has a pattern of harmful behavior to miraculously not cause me harm because I said the word ‘forgive’ is like expecting a lion not to eat the gazelle because the giraffe told the lion to be nice.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not bandaids to plaster over harm and wounds so that we don’t have to sit with the difficulty of knowing that sometimes people created in God’s Image don’t image God at all. These are difficult and challenging concepts of human behavior that Jesus shows us in flesh and blood how to navigate by stepping into them, not turning away. This is how we live into the Kingdom-on-earth-as-in-Heaven. This is how we Love as God Loves. Jesus didn’t promise us we’d be comfortable, only that we would find comfort in his Way of Love to do the hard things.
Thanks for listening and keep lovin’ louder than the hate, Y’all!
Mother Nancy's Coffee Thoughts 