Some thoughts along my journey.

You know that quote that goes something like you never know what another person is going through so be kind (I googled it and couldn’t find a source, just lots of memes). It’s a good thought to begin every interaction you have with another human being and it helps us to remember to be kind even if they are not. And to be kind even if your own struggles make you want to be curmudgeonly. And for simple, public interactions it is the way we should be.

But what about our actual relationships? Should we leave others wondering what we really are going through or should we be open and honest and authentic enough that they know? For my generation and older, we’ve been taught to keep our pain and struggles to ourselves and to only express positive emotions publicly. We grew up with “don’t cry” and the idea that negative emotions make us look weak. My family had the policy of keeping the hard things secret and we pretended it was to protect others people’s feelings but I am learning that it is really is about avoiding the hard stuff of life so the image we projected was only positive.

And, yet, Jesus teaches us that we can’t, and shouldn’t, avoid the difficult conversations in life because they are as much a part of being human in this world as breathing. When we learn to express our emotions in healthy and productive ways – the full range of the emotions that God created us to experience – we are being more fully human, not less, not weak, not immature.

When we read the Psalms we learn that our faith ancestors knew the importance of expressing their emotions. In the Psalms we see the full range of human emotion, brought to God authentically. Even the most difficult stuff. When they felt anger and wanted to retaliate against their enemies they brought those requests to God because they knew that only God can be truly righteous in anger. When they were heart broken and desperate, they brought that to God knowing that in God’s goodness they would find comfort and peace and hope. When they were joyful and happy they brought that to God knowing God is the giver of all good things.

As New Testament, Resurrection People, following Jesus in the Kingdom on earth as in Heaven is a group activity, a life of community and communion. What we experience in our humanness isn’t to be hidden but shared in healthy relationships as we journey with God and each other in this life. We do life together, building each other up so that we are on equal footing, tending to each other without rank or status, all of us both giving and receiving. Following Jesus is about companioning not competing, being our authentic selves with each other and expressing our authentic emotions in healthy ways in our God-centered, God’s-presence-filled community.

When I teach and preach and write about following Jesus on earth as in heaven I use the words becoming and journey and growing, I talk about being aware of God’s presence, and knowing who and Whose we are, because following Jesus is a life-long, continuous process of growing into who God created us to be. In the stories our faith ancestors tell about creation, God created all things good. Not perfect but good. Good gives us the freedom to grow and mature. The idea that we must be perfect keeps us stuck, either because we have the false idea we are already perfect and therefore have no need to mature or because we are paralyzed with the fear that others will see the imperfections we are working so hard to hide. We tend to understand perfect to mean without flaw. But neither the Hebrew nor the Greek word we translate into English as perfect means without flaw; these words mean complete as in whole or complete as in finished, full grown, mature.

Our purpose as we follow Jesus in this life is to become more and more like him. That’s what disciples do, live and work and grow to become like their teacher. So, yes, we should do our best at being kind with everyone we encounter. And, yes, we should work at being more authentic and open in our relationships. We need to normalize sitting with each other in the difficult times and just being; we need to normalize asking for what we need. We need to be willing to receive comfort and companionship as much as we are willing to offer it to others. Talk about what you are feeling and experiencing; listen to how others feel and experience life. Be human as God created us to be.