I’m Ok

Some of you know that my husband and I have received the news that he has stage IV pancreatic cancer. As my granddad would have said, “it’s a hard row to hoe.” We are doing our best to be open with each other about what we are feeling and experiencing and I’m so grateful for those who are walking with us. It warms my heart each time someone sincerely asks, “how are you” or “what do you need?” Simply asking the questions often gives me what I need: knowing we are not alone or on our own. I hear myself saying “I’m OK” often and some of you – thank you – double check to make sure I’m not just putting up a false front because it’s the polite thing to do and so I’ve been reflecting on what I really do mean when I say it.

When I say “I’m OK,” it doesn’t mean I’m trying to ignore or hide my problems. It is a statement of trust in the Goodness and Faithfulness of our Creator God. In the midst of struggles God is with me, guiding me, loving me, comforting me. Anchored by God’s love I am not aimlessly tossed about in the storm. In the pain and sorrow, God holds me safe. I know that God is always on the side of the sufferer.

Believing in God and following Jesus doesn’t mean life will be easy*. Believing in God means that this wonderful, amazing life that God has given is lived in relationship with God. It means that my relationship with God is the guide for all of my human relationships and that together we walk in love, following Jesus, each carrying our responsibilities toward God’s Kingdom, and sharing each other’s struggles and celebrations and ordinary days along The Way.

Saying I’m OK means I know that I’m not alone or on my own in this life. I share life with God and all of you. And that fills my heart to overflowing so that I can show you that you are not alone or on your own either when I ask ‘how are you’.

So don’t hear my “I’m OK” as I want you to think I’m perfect; it means I know none of us are. God made us good so that we could know life as a companionable journey of learning and growing. Saying “I’m OK” isn’t an attempt to deceive but a way to test the waters with you: is this an appropriate time to go deeper, am I safe to go deeper with you and are you safe to go deeper with me? We’ll know the answer in each others eyes.

I’m so grateful for all who are walking with us. Thanks for listening.

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*And just to be clear, I do NOT believe that God causes suffering to teach or punish although we have the choice to take the opportunity to learn and grow from our suffering to become more compassionate and better human beings. An appropriate response to suffering lies in between toxic positivity and wallowing in victimhood. We can save this conversation for another day, because I’m feeling a bit to ‘soap boxy’ about it right now and I don’t want to rant.